BEGIN:VCALENDAR
VERSION:2.0
PRODID:-//COVID ReHash House Harriers - ECPv5.11.0//NONSGML v1.0//EN
CALSCALE:GREGORIAN
METHOD:PUBLISH
X-WR-CALNAME:COVID ReHash House Harriers
X-ORIGINAL-URL:https://covidhhh.com
X-WR-CALDESC:Runs for COVID ReHash House Harriers
BEGIN:VTIMEZONE
TZID:Australia/Melbourne
BEGIN:STANDARD
TZOFFSETFROM:+1100
TZOFFSETTO:+1000
TZNAME:AEST
DTSTART:20260404T160000
END:STANDARD
BEGIN:DAYLIGHT
TZOFFSETFROM:+1000
TZOFFSETTO:+1100
TZNAME:AEDT
DTSTART:20261003T160000
END:DAYLIGHT
END:VTIMEZONE
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=Australia/Melbourne:20260707T183000
DTEND;TZID=Australia/Melbourne:20260707T213000
DTSTAMP:20261017T123703
CREATED:20260909T072700Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20260909T072700Z
UID:5676-1783449000-1783459800@covidhhh.com
SUMMARY:Run #326 – The World Chocolate Day Run
DESCRIPTION:In what is rapidly becoming a horrific and predictable trend\, the hare decided that yet another super steep climb made complete sense for World Chocolate Day. Because nothing says celebrating confectionery quite like inducing a near-cardiac event; thankfully\, we were blessed with two drink stops and a drink start\, ensuring considerate hydration for the functional alcoholics among us. \nOn the topic of hydration; Y2KYKJelly took it upon himself to move the walkers’ drink stop even further up the hill. This raises a couple of blindingly obvious issues; how exactly was he the front runner\, and more importantly\, how was he the front runner? Answers on a postcard\, please. \nMeanwhile\, WTFAI took a breezy Sunday stroll up the incline while closely monitoring his heart rate. Since it was a chocolate-themed run\, he probably stopped for a sneaky chocolate river of his own out in the bush; though he was more than happy to show off his girly mango drink later. He even confessed he was going to ask if there was another one; greedy bastard. Let it be known; the rule stands at only one gay drink per person\, per night! \nIt was good to see Baah back\, fresh off the plane from a wonderful family holiday and jumping straight in without any excuses; although he had such a good time he didnt even stick around for the on afters as he was missing his daughter so much he had to go do a line with her\, sorry\, collect her from line dancing. Unlike our illustrious leader\, who clocked a minor 10km run on flat ground\, 3 days ago and needed to sit out the run. I am starting to think that Albo may be the 2nd most useless leader in the country…. \nFresh Meat\, the hare\, laid on a brilliant run including a classic In and Out. This resulted in Jelly finally getting to ride in the “Rape Van” driven by Arsenic; though one has to wonder if that was actually a torch in his pocket after the ride concluded. \nA massive and sincere thanks goes to Jess; Wife of the Meat\, for providing an absolutely amazing feed to fuel the degeneracy. The evening wrapped up around the fire\, which was brilliantly set up only metres away from the actual fire station. Naturally\, we celebrated by sharing lovely new songs about runny chocolate and highly specific anal explorations involving pizza dinners. Smelling the seat of the mechanical bull and other good times. \nOn On!
URL:https://covidhhh.com/run/run-326-the-world-chocolate-day-run/
LOCATION:Clagiraba Reserve Park\, Australia
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=Australia/Melbourne:20260714T080000
DTEND;TZID=Australia/Melbourne:20260714T170000
DTSTAMP:20261017T123703
CREATED:20260909T072850Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20260909T072850Z
UID:5679-1784016000-1784048400@covidhhh.com
SUMMARY:Run #327: The French Connection Correction
DESCRIPTION:What could only be described as an absolute French cock-up started appropriately right outside the latrines; it was a total shit show from that point onward. Thanks to some spectacularly abysmal trail marking by our resident Hare\, Pepe\, who blamed the cleaners for this\, the runners actually had to deploy basic logic and local knowledge just to navigate their way to the first drink stop. Once the pack arrived\, the real tragedy unfolded. Complaints immediately flew thick and fast regarding the watered-down Guinness and wildly overpriced beer. This prompted Derrolicked my Balls fresh off a nazi salute (fascist) to stage a dramatic protest; yelling “Sacre Bleu!” before clumsily knocking half his brew all over the table. Brilliant execution there\, mate.\nFrom there\, we embarked on a short ramble – about as short as France’s prospects in the World Cup – leading us straight to the next drink stop at Cowboys. Naturally\, thoughts quickly turned to sniffing the mechanical bull; after all\, this was a highly sophisticated French affair and Oysters were on the menu.\nEventually\, everyone drifted back for the On Afters\, where the real classiness shone through. A lovely pink coq was presented to the circle and our Grand Master\, Pepe Le Spew\, looked far too comfortable sucking on it. Not to be outdone\, WTFAI attempted a bit of a DIY enema; presumably because he is thoroughly stretched out after his prior professional anal exploration (calm down\, it was done in a proper clinical environment\, not Tom Tate’s office). A sneaky bottle of Tequila suddenly materialised and the charges grew predictably unhinged.\nWe had hashers snorting lines of coq\, sorry coke\, I mean salt and frantically sucking on lemons. In typical french food custom where you get less for paying more – Dinner was a minimalist culinary experience; absolutely no snacks and zero dessert\, but we did get treated to a fine dish of Coq-and-Rice. The usual round of charges and relentless name-calling followed. The highlight of the evening goes to the absolute genius who walked out mid-circle\, returned a few minutes later and immediately charged the Sergeant for failing to notice he had left in the first place. Talk about elite-level dobbing; absolutely magnificent stuff. \nSee ewes next week\nOnOn
URL:https://covidhhh.com/run/run-327-the-french-connection-correction/
LOCATION:Eileen Peters Park\, 5 The Esplanade\, Surfers Paradise
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=Australia/Melbourne:20260721T183000
DTEND;TZID=Australia/Melbourne:20260721T203000
DTSTAMP:20261017T123703
CREATED:20260909T073017Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20260909T073017Z
UID:5681-1784658600-1784665800@covidhhh.com
SUMMARY:Run 328 - The English Soccer Success Run
DESCRIPTION:So our Hare\, Miscarriage\, somehow survived pole dancing lessons in Cambodia and a reaming by the Gold Coast Council to set a Figure-of-8 run in Burleigh Heads. It was a 10km “masterpiece” so appallingly marked at the start that we actually needed the toilet paper just to wipe away our tears of frustration. \nStill\, it was easier for us to find the trail than it was for the English to find the back of a net. \nIt is worth noting the absolute rollercoaster of our hydration strategy. We went from a pre-drink stop\, multiple on-trail drink stops and obviously post-drinks on previous runs to a horrifyingly healthy alternative. Right at the twist of the figure 8 we hit a vegan-friendly\, Alcoholics Anonymous certified drink stop – otherwise known as a council water tap. Given how endlessly this run went on\, that figure 8 was definitely an infinity sign. \nSpeaking of tragic soccer no-shows our GM (which if you did not know stands for Generally Missing) took a page out of the French team’s playbook and failed to pitch. I suppose he did complete a “marathon” three weeks ago so we couldn’t possibly expect him to actually attend a run.\nJelly has kindly offered to give him his Disabled Sign as clearly his dementia has grown so bad that he has forgotten that he is supposed to be leading the Hash. Oh wait he doesn’t do that either now that we have a new front-running-cunt.\nWe will just conveniently ignore the fact that the Hare set and ran the trail for a casual 20km effort in one go but our GM can’t do it once. I would confidently say that Cum Smoke has attended more runs this year than the GM. \nSpeaking of le Coq\, Mademoiselle Latrine was in his absolute element sucking on the pink funnel. We are entirely sure he thoroughly enjoyed the stains left by WTFAI last week. \nArsenic did eventually turn up and brought some seriously tasty burgers. Ballbags would have been devastated as there were no badly cut onions to complain about; there were simply no onions at all. \nAnother brilliant night out in the dark featuring some virgin territory\, slippery slopes and inadvertently interfering with a couple dogging. Honestly\, Mademoiselle Latrine would have probably sniffed the tyres if he had actually come with. \nOn On!
URL:https://covidhhh.com/run/run-328-the-english-soccer-success-run/
LOCATION:Rotary Park (Burleigh)\, Rotary Park (Burliegh) The Esplanade\, Burleigh Heads\, QLD\, 4220\, Australia
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=Australia/Melbourne:20260728T183000
DTEND;TZID=Australia/Melbourne:20260728T213000
DTSTAMP:20261017T123703
CREATED:20260909T073229Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20260909T073229Z
UID:5683-1785263400-1785274200@covidhhh.com
SUMMARY:Run 329: The Squashed Frog Run (Or\, The Night the GM Croaked and We Didn't Care)
DESCRIPTION:If you thought last week was a shitshow\, strap in\, because Run 329 was a cacophony of absolute\, unadulterated drama. We came for a run and some beers\, but what we got was a theatrical performance of sheer patheticness. \nPre-Run WhatsApp Tears & The Arrival \nAs is tradition\, the pre-run WhatsApp chat was primarily dedicated to brutally mocking our perpetually absent GM\, *Pepe Le Spew*. Given the forecast hinted at a light sprinkle\, we naturally assumed the delicate flower would pull out (like we wish his father had). We generously reminded him he still had time to abort. \nTo our absolute shock\, the mythical creature himself actually materialised at the start. *Cock Knee\, sensing the moment\, strolled right up and formally introduced himself to Pepe—a masterclass in vicious sarcasm\, given the two know each other perfectly well\, but it had just been *that long since Pepe graced us with his presence. \nWith the clock ticking five minutes past the start time\, I (Eno)\, in my usual no-holds-barred fashion\, suggested we probably just head off into the bush before the GM could change his mind. \nAnd oh\, did he take the bait. \nThe Resignation of the Century \nCue the violins and hand out the tissues. Pepe launched into his grand segue\, officially resigning as GM. \n> “My job is just too important! I can’t keep coming out to drink! And worse… I was FORCED to drink tequila!” \nLet’s just pause there. If anyone wants to “force” me to watch strippers\, please don’t… I’d hate that. Also\, let the record reflect that this harrowing tequila-drinking trauma occurred in his own local area\, on a night where he was literally the only one not driving. But please\, tell us more about how you can’t afford to lose your precious license and ruin your highly important career. \nHe loudly declared he was leaving and wouldn’t even be doing the run. We immediately launched into a massive pleading session to beg him to stay. \nJust kidding. We sat in dead silence for exactly 20 seconds\, shrugged\, yelled *”OnOn!”*\, and immediately fucked off into the bush. \nThe Trail to Nowhere (Starring The Ultimate Overachiever) \nWith the GM fleeing the scene to cry in his car\, *Arsenic* stepped up to the plate. In a display of sickening overachievement\, Arsenic was already the Hare\, but boldly claimed the heavy burdens of both Acting GM and Acting Booze Master. \nArsenic informed us he had set an amazing trail. However\, there was no flour. Why? Well\, in a brilliant callback to Pepe’s pathetic excuse from a few weeks prior\, Arsenic claimed the council sent street sweepers into the forest to clean up our trail so the poor animals wouldn’t get sick from eating it. (Personally\, I think the council sweepers were actually just out looking for Miscarrige’s hiding place\, but sure\, let’s go with wildlife conservation. If they really wanted to poison the animals\, they’d just feed them the badly chopped onions from our on-afters. \n*The Run Profile:* \n* We went up.\n* We went up some more.\n* We had a short down.\n* We went up again.\n* Zero drink stops. Apparently\, you can’t be Hare\, GM\, and Booze Master without fucking something up. \nThe Bee Incident & The Tom Rose Park Twilight Zone \nIn his role as Acting GM of Nature Conservation\, Arsenic marched us straight past a row of bee hives. Derro\, driven by morbid curiosity\, got a little too romantic with the locals and took a bee sting straight to the heart. Tragically\, he isn’t allergic\, so we were robbed of the entertainment of watching him swell up and battle to breathe. What a letdown. \nMeanwhile\, in the wildest plot twist of the night\, we had lost our GM\, lost our front runner\, and so left with no choice I stepped up to the challenge and ran home first. Yes\, you read that right. Fucking crazy shit happening out here in Tom Rose Park. \nPost-Run: Slushies\, Broken Beds and Circle Time \nBack at the buckets\, the midnight oil—or rather\, the midnight bedframes -were burning. I had scavenged the wooden remains of a bed that clearly died from too much aggressive thrust action. It made for excellent kindling\, which was desperately needed because our magnificent “Booze Master” had frozen the Tuns solid. We were forced to drink slushy down-downs. \n* The Score: The run was officially rated a 6.9 – which coincidentally is exactly what Pepe was likely doing in the foetal position back at home.\n* The Circle: We tried to dabble in a few new songs to honor our fallen\, tequila-traumatized comrade\, but got bored and defaulted back to a rousing rendition of “He’s Dumb…”\n* Next Week:Y2KYJelly took the floor to suggest we call an EGPU to appoint a permanent new GM. He then warmly invited us all to check out his scrotum\, sorry\, checking my notes—he invited us to Ball End for next week’s run. Same difference.\nFinal Thoughts \nTo conclude: Bees and Pepes were thoroughly hurt in the making of Run 329. \nIf you\, or anyone reading this\, needs to talk\, is feeling a little sad\, or is upset that someone might be saying horrible\, vicious things to you… *don’t tell us. We don’t give a fuck.* And if you do\, it will be the content for next week’s run report. \n*OnOn\,*
URL:https://covidhhh.com/run/run-329-the-squashed-frog-run-or-the-night-the-gm-croaked-and-we-didnt-care/
LOCATION:Tom Rose Park (HQ)\, 69 Wandin Street\, Nerang\, QLD\, 4211\, Australia
END:VEVENT
END:VCALENDAR