#311: The Devil’s Revenge – Hellsfire Pass

The Ominous Start
We really should have checked the fine print before heading to a run literally named Hellsfire Pass. The universe wasn’t exactly subtle with the warnings. We started by crossing water and spotting an eel, and by the time we’d tackled a measly 800m elevation over just 4km, we were greeted by a red-bellied black snake crossing our path.
It’s clear the devil was in the details last night, and he was laughing at us the whole way up.

The “Hydration” Strategy
The night kicked off with a drink start. At the time, we thought it was a lovely gesture; in hindsight, it was clearly a medicinal necessity to numb the impending trauma. Once we reached what we thought was the summit, we hit a drink stop. This was a brief, beautiful reprieve before the realisation set in that we had even more climbing to do.

Special mention must go to Dan, who seems determined to dethrone Oscar Pistorius, sorry thats the murderer, Piastri’s F1 career. His record-breaking speed back down the hill in his car was likely motivated by the knowledge of the feast waiting at the end; or perhaps he was just fleeing the scene of the crime. Either way – this Hearse driven by the headless horseman could have taken us to hell because at that point we were all too tired to fight the evil anymore

The Rise of the “Ralk”

Let’s be honest: nobody was running up those inclines. We’ve officially birthed a new discipline: the Ralk. It’s not a run, it’s not a walk; it’s a vertical struggle for survival. When the front running bastard, our esteemed GM, Pepe hands at the back pretending to care about the dwindling lost souls we all knew it was a guise to hide the fact that not even Chuck could have climed that hill.

The Circle and Commemorations
The circle was a departure from our usual chaotic shenanigans. Instead, it was a quiet, subdued vigil. We took the necessary time to pay our respects to the recently fallen Chuck Norris.We also held a moment for Bubbles the fish. It appears Menstrual decided to deposit some “devil’s spew” into the water at the Tandoori Palace during last week’s AGPU. Poor Bubbles likely took one look at that toxic mixture, realised life wasn’t worth it, and checked out.

Final Thoughts
A massive well done to the Ex-GM for a wonderful, invigorating, and not even remotely challenging stroll. You could do better…

On-On