Covid #88 – Fast Fours Tennis

COVID HASH TENNIS COMP. TUESDAY 7 DECEMBER 7PM MIAMI TENNIS CLUB

The Hare arrived at the Club at a time what he thought was early around 6.30pm.  Only to find that most of the pack were present in the clubhouse priming themselves with liquid amber before the evening competition.  Two first time attendees were made very welcome, Fulla Shit from the Gourmet mob and Carl friend of someone.

The Hare spelt out the program before the fast four sets.  That was an on court demonstration of three of the lesser known rules of the game namely. Can you reach over the net to hit the ball?  Who calls a double bounce? Where you can stand whilst serving , singles and doubles?

A few simple warn up drills were then performed to get the pack limbered up.

Then followed a skill game of who could roll a ball closest to the net from the baseline.  The winner was Baar Sinister.

A knockout game of all nine players on court, four one side, five the other.  The ball was fed in from the sideline with players having to rally.  Two chances were given before a player was eliminated.  The last man standing and winner was Bograt.

The two doubles matches then commenced and after each set points were awarded for the number of games won by each player.  There were some brilliant rallies and fierce competition.

There was a ten minute break before round two and then the competition was fierce again.

Smokey rolled up a bit late and decided not to play but took to an umpires chair and sounded out advice that I am sure the players felt was helpful or a load of shit.

At the conclusion of round two Y2KY distinquished himself by walking off the court after he had lost refusing to shake hands, calling the opposition a “cheating pack of fucking arseholes”.

Round Two being completed Smokey had helpfully fetched the pizzas that were washed down with ales.  Complaint received that every pizzas was loaded with cheese however overall they were all devoured.

A longer break with more beers before Round Three got under way.  Again the matches were hard fought.  There were a few uncertainties as to rules however the games were generally played in good spirits.

At the conclusion of Round Three the Hare tallied the scores announcing the winners.

Overall Champion – Derrolicked my balls following a very consistent performance over the three sets.

Runner Up – Carl showed that he had played the game before and was no mug.

Kyrgios Award – Y2KY Jelly for serving some brilliant aces.  Followed by his memorable dummy spit and bad and abusive sportsmanship.

Ballbag Award – Baar Sinister a compete turnaround from the previous event finishing last.

The competition concluded around 9.30pm.  Not bad seeing as the courts had been booked and paid from 7pm to 9pm.

A lot more liquid was consumed and the Hare fucked off at 10.15pm. As our crew were the only ones left it was up to us to lock up as the lights were going out at 10.30pm.  This must have been done as no complaints were received by the committee man.

I thought it was a good night.

BB.