Run 328 – The English Soccer Success Run

So our Hare, Miscarriage, somehow survived pole dancing lessons in Cambodia and a reaming by the Gold Coast Council to set a Figure-of-8 run in Burleigh Heads. It was a 10km “masterpiece” so appallingly marked at the start that we actually needed the toilet paper just to wipe away our tears of frustration.

Still, it was easier for us to find the trail than it was for the English to find the back of a net.

It is worth noting the absolute rollercoaster of our hydration strategy. We went from a pre-drink stop, multiple on-trail drink stops and obviously post-drinks on previous runs to a horrifyingly healthy alternative. Right at the twist of the figure 8 we hit a vegan-friendly, Alcoholics Anonymous certified drink stop – otherwise known as a council water tap. Given how endlessly this run went on, that figure 8 was definitely an infinity sign.

Speaking of tragic soccer no-shows our GM (which if you did not know stands for Generally Missing) took a page out of the French team’s playbook and failed to pitch. I suppose he did complete a “marathon” three weeks ago so we couldn’t possibly expect him to actually attend a run.
Jelly has kindly offered to give him his Disabled Sign as clearly his dementia has grown so bad that he has forgotten that he is supposed to be leading the Hash. Oh wait he doesn’t do that either now that we have a new front-running-cunt.
We will just conveniently ignore the fact that the Hare set and ran the trail for a casual 20km effort in one go but our GM can’t do it once. I would confidently say that Cum Smoke has attended more runs this year than the GM.

Speaking of le Coq, Mademoiselle Latrine was in his absolute element sucking on the pink funnel. We are entirely sure he thoroughly enjoyed the stains left by WTFAI last week.

Arsenic did eventually turn up and brought some seriously tasty burgers. Ballbags would have been devastated as there were no badly cut onions to complain about; there were simply no onions at all.

Another brilliant night out in the dark featuring some virgin territory, slippery slopes and inadvertently interfering with a couple dogging. Honestly, Mademoiselle Latrine would have probably sniffed the tyres if he had actually come with.

On On!