#281: Ballbag’s Balls Out Bash

You know the drill. 2 hours of warm up’s followed by 15 minutes of playing time…. WTF.  As usual our 185-year-old founding father (Ballbags) put this kennel of younger hash men to shame with his world record 3min 05sec plank that was almost his, and his number one challenger, Fresh Meat’s, undoing.

Completely buggered after the warm up’s there was no time for a drink stop as the court lights were about to be switched off, so a rapid-fire tennis tournament followed and despite the Level 2 ATP coaching received in the preceding hours it was almost as if we hadn’t been listening to anything based on the debacle that then followed on court.

It was so bad Y2KY Jelly even resorted to extreme measures to win points by any means possible (including his hands???) but we may never really know thanks to convincing acting performance that would put a Bollywood actor to shame.

The tennis Gods must have been watching as they got their revenge on Y2KY Jelly as he failed miserably with his epic double swing on a lollypop lob offered by Fresh Meat but to be fair, he was probably blinded by the GM’s get up which once again didn’t fail to disappoint.

Clearly this (non) shot of the night broke Ballbag’s (Chief Protection Officer) spirit as he demanded we immediately vacant the court for the sake of the nearby club members mumbling “never again” to himself as he walked off to the club house in disgust.

Back in the circle the lovingly wrapped awards were presented to WTFAI for winning the “Effort but Useless” Eau de Toilette award. The runner up award was decided by what can only be described as a slightly racist Eeny, meeny, miny, moe rhyme which I believe is how all tennis tournaments in the 1820’s were decided, so congratulations Baaaaah Sinister on winning yet another clock on a Covid Re-hash tennis night!!!

Controversially (we kept our own scores), Peter aka “The Natural” won the title with an impressive 9 game haul. As an exercise junky Pete promised to make good use of the 2 x 1kg dumbells and associated ropes (I assume there for sexual based workouts) so don’t be surprised to see a much more chiselled, and dare I say, happy Peter the next time you see him.

 Well done to the hare (Ballbag’s) for organising yet another legendary night of hash and for slaving over a hot stove for so many hours preparing the rather tasty chicken noodle nosh.