#288: Divali – Festival of Lights

The innovation in this hash knows no bounds. Clearly the hare (Cum SOC) is shooting for a renaming with his Jizz-a-Lot toilet paper hanging skills. So impressed was the hare with his trail markings he was quick to point them out to the kennel just in case we missed them!!!

In saying that it was well-marked, with jizz stained toilet paper lighting up the way through the spider infested dense bush terrain and multiple logs of doom. In fact, the first part of the terrain was so up and down and all but impenetrable it resulted in the slowest first kilometre (23min 29sec) in the history of the Covid Rehash along with the most claret split. Luckily it was impossible to get lost if you followed the hares pre-run instructions that “it’s a big circle” but as usual no know was listening, so we did.

By share luck the runners finally stumbled across the quality (non-Tun) piss stop with the hare outdoing himself with a festival of city lights lookout worthy of the Diwali Run. Unfortunately, the walker (WTFAI) was not so lucky to make it.

The second part of the run wasn’t much faster thanks to what can only be described as the biggest act of rat c$nting …..ever. Pepe, clearly a bushman not fond of going back up the thousand steps he’s just been down, could be heard ranting “Putain de rat connard batard” for the rest of the run as only a Frenchman can.

Back in the circle WTFAI give the 40min / 2km walk a 10 out of 10 but upon further quizzing it turns out he was just glad to have made it back to the on after alive with all the blood loss he had experienced so on review a revised 6.9 was scored due to the share number of conflicting arrows near the end (Border Hash had run there the night before). Pepe scored the 54min 30sec / 3.07km run using a whole lot of mathematical equations that we think roughly matched the walkers score so an overall 6.9 was recorded.

The usual spiteful and vindicative charges then followed but not before we honoured WTFAI with his 50th run cummemorative bottle opener and wished him all the best with his upcoming wedding to Ting Tong in the Philippines.

Well down to Jizz-a-Lot (aka Cum SOC) for putting on another great night of hash. Next week we do it all again with Hashoween as Fresh Meat guides around some of the spookier bits of the coast.