Run #324 You Can’t Get to Heaven Unless You Go Through Hell

It turns out “cant” was completely misspelt in the title; a fitting tribute to the level of intellect we were dealing with from the hare on this particular outing.

Our illustrious hare for the night was none other than Y2KYJelly, also known as Queen Victoria clearly arrived with a massive point to prove and decided that the best way to do that was to subject us to a brutal 9km trek that dragged on for more than two painful hours. To ensure maximum suffering right out of the gate; the misery commenced with a vertical climb of over 1km.

To give credit where it is barely due; it was a well laid out run and walk through virgin bush. I suppose when you push people out into the wilderness for that long, something out there would have to be new and untouched.

We eventually stumbled across a drink stop where we were presented with some questionably priced port mixed with lemonade. Truly a vintage concoction for the ages.

The starting lineup consisted of Pepe le Spew, Derro, Baah, Fresh Meat Eno and Tristan.

Tristan apparently decided that navigating treacherous terrain in the pitch dark wasn’t quite challenging enough; so the absolute plonker decided to complete the run in Crocs. The truly frightening part of the evening is that despite his atrocious footwear choice, he was still a front-running bastard.

The rest of the pack didn’t fare much better in the intelligence department. So many hashers forgot to charge their torches that we spent most of the night getting an intimate look at the dark side of the moon. It felt less like a wilderness trail and more like WTFAI showing off his home colonoscopy videos that are currently doing the hospital nurse porn circuit.

The Circle and The Naming
The walkers had their own drama. BallBags enjoyed a very special evening; not only did he quaff a disturbing amount of that questionably priced port but he also recreated the ultimate choir boy nightmare when he donned his RA garb in the circle.

Run #324 will go down (along with certain hashmen) in history as the night we witnessed someone flat on their knees in front of a priest; sucking on a pink cock like their life depended on it. By the end of the ritual, our newest runner was officially christened Cock Knee (the artist formerly known as Tristan). If we had known about the footwear choice beforehand; a name change to Croc Knee would have undoubtedly won the vote but that sentiment will be well felt in all our knees today after the brutal assault of the trail

Not to be left out of the spotlight; the Hare was finally presented with his 200-run singlet. It was only six months late; but given our local t-shirt printer couldn’t even remember to print the back of Cock Knee’s shirt, we considered it a minor miracle. In true queenly fashion, Y2KYJelly decided he also wanted a turn sucking on the pink cock; but alas, he lacked the proper technique and ended up dribbling it all over himself.

Fresh Meat saved the day by spraying “white paint” on the back of Cock Knee’s shirt so there was at least a makeshift name to present; a proper substitute has been promised.

Fire, food and furphies were shared by all; and we do it all again next week.

Welcome again to Cock Knee #25 great to have you in the Hash
OnOn!