#293: Ballbag’s LXXXVII Birthday Run

When the author of “How to set a trail, and win friends” is the hare, ewe know it is going to be a technical trail, and to be fair it sure bloody was.

Three hours of trail laying effort in midday heat nearly saw the hare (Ballbags) admitted to Robina Hospital where Rosemary’s “Do Not Resuscitate” instructions are clearly understood, but she found him just in time to drive him around to do all the on backs…..which explains a lot.

Sure, it’s not often the runners are behind the walkers but with all the on backs it certainly helped keep the pack together, which was handy as we debated the merits of a check next to an on back and answered one of the many mysteries of hash ……..just how many arrows from a check are too many before an on back (obviously this is a trick question as everyone knows the right answer is ten).

Somehow, despite the runners and walkers following the same trail markings, three different distances were recorded with the Runners enduring 6.9km over 1hr 2min, short cutting walkers (mislead by the notorious cheating walker…..WTFAI) with 4.something km / 1hr 7min and the over achieving walkers cumming in at 5.1km / 1hr 10min.

Rumours suggesting the runners had in fact given up halfway have been grossly mis-represented by the hare, as it was merely a hot night, and we needed a hydration top up at the on after.

The heat and humidity also delayed the circle as we needed to charge up the defibrillator and administer the paddles for WTFAI who clearly did too much “sailing” on his recent Southeast Asian adventure.

For some unknown reason the sergeant (Arsenic) decided at this point to channel his inner Pauline and went all Burka on us followed by Miscarriage awarding the walk (or was it the run) a 8.7 and in a shocking twist Baaaah Sinister also scored the run (or was it the walk) an 8.7.

The usual spiteful and vindictive charges followed, and you wouldn’t believe it the hare won the raffle followed by a rousing rendition of hash e birthday.

Well done to Ballbags for settling an awesome trail in such challenging conditions and then knocking up an Italian feast fit for a Roman Emperor. Next week it is the Thanksgiving Day (the proper American one) run with Tommy Two Stroke guiding us around yet even more virgin bush somewhere on the coast.

In late breaking news the GM (FreshMeat) has been temporarily banned from the Covid Re-Hash WhatsApp group by the committee for over sharing his naked old ladies in white van and “power cut” forcing him to shower in the forest fantasies…..images we can all do without.

Finally, get your Christmas orders in for getting your garage carpeted next time Jelly’s up.